i will be my own hell because there is a devil inside my body

by teen suicide

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02:44

about

recorded between may and september 2012 at sam's house
sam - guitar, piano, toy piano, keyboards, drum machines, vocals, lyrics, and bass on some songs
eric - drums
torts - bass on some songs
thanks to caroline for recording vocals and viola on 'give me back to the sky'
thanks to mat cothran for help mastering 'give me back to the sky'
cover photo by eric livingston, cover art by sam ray
comes with a pdf that includes all of the lyrics handwritten with photos, poems and other writings that inspired the songs, art by alex amici and josephine ray, and a dog. all photos included are taken by sam & eric.
thanks mater, thanks alex, thanks everyone else.

credits

released 15 September 2012

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Track Name: give me back to the sky
can we see beautiful pictures
of your life projected on the side of a house
when fall comes they'll find me
covering my eyes in a pose
reminiscent of a child scared of the dark
but it's not the dark that scares me
and when i go i hope you'll give me
back to the sky
and keep me out of your dreams
i have no place there
Track Name: have you been eating that sandwich again
i was sixteen
we drove around in your car
you were doing coke
and i said i never got a taste for it
i let something else kill my friends and my body
Track Name: the way we were with people
wrapped in black cloth
i found by the bed
you're turning the lights off
and i'm covering my face
you should do what you want
i can't stop you now and i won't try
breathing slower now
we turn the tv back on
you should do what you want with him
but i don't want to see you with him
i can't stop you now and i won't try
i've been searching for a way to stay in dreams
but i'm waking up and feeling sick and feeling dizzy
it’s always ending, always ending
always ending
it's always ending
always ending, always ending
Track Name: cop graveyard
they said i was fucked in the head
and dragged me out of my house
later on on the way to your school
left my body on the side of the road

now you've come back into my life
it's like all the dreams i had have come true
i fell asleep in my car one night
and never woke up, never woke up

you said i was fucked in the head
i'll never leave my bed again
im not made for the life i have
i never meant to hurt anyone
Track Name: dan collins vs. the maryland judicial system
i said i don't want anyone to notice me
i just wanna stay far away from anyone
i don't wanna go anywhere with you
i've got so many better things that i wanna do
Track Name: dead bird skeleton
it's okay to hate them cause they're not human beings
it's okay to hate me cause im not a human being
he said he'd call me so i gave him twenty dollars
he took his hand and put it in my pocket
later on i found myself floating
above a field of dying flowers
just under the ceiling i am paralyzed with fear
i built this body from the bones of dead birds
Track Name: grim reaper
i'm dropping out of school
i've found a new job
doing what i love
and you can't stop me now
mom and dad
i'm sorry that you have
to find things out this way
but i guess you could say
it's better now with me
being the one to take
your souls away
i wanna be the grim reaper
nothing you say could change my mind
Track Name: the same things happening to me all the time, even in my dreams
i have dreamt about what it's like to die
and i saw myself becoming shadows again
just like i did when i was a kid
i saw my bones crack open and all the things i've been hiding from you spill out
all the secrets that i never thought i'd tell anyone about
i am warm and i am bored and i am drifting through this place
it's no better or worse than anything else that's ever happened to me
but i wish that i'd never met a lot of the people that i've met
not because i don't like them but because i only let them down
and when you disappoint everyone all the time it's hard not to want to die
constantly i feel this weird and shameful feeling
like im being watched by a thousand glowing, vengeful eyes
behind one way mirrors in public bathrooms and in metro cars
and everywhere i go i know i'm not welcome
Track Name: swallow
fucked up in my head
lay down in my bed
touching your shirt
you know i want you bad
watching you take off your pants
you make me feel
bad about myself
i'm wasting my time
i can't be helped
swallow my cum
i will make new friends
taking off my clothes
sober and aching i'm cold