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i will be my own hell because there is a devil inside my body

by teen suicide

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1.
01:09
2.
can we see beautiful pictures of your life projected on the side of a house when fall comes they'll find me covering my eyes in a pose reminiscent of a child scared of the dark but it's not the dark that scares me and when i go i hope you'll give me back to the sky and keep me out of your dreams i have no place there
3.
i was sixteen we drove around in your car you were doing coke and i said i never got a taste for it i let something else kill my friends and my body
4.
wrapped in black cloth i found by the bed you're turning the lights off and i'm covering my face you should do what you want i can't stop you now and i won't try breathing slower now we turn the tv back on you should do what you want with him but i don't want to see you with him i can't stop you now and i won't try i've been searching for a way to stay in dreams but i'm waking up and feeling sick and feeling dizzy it’s always ending, always ending always ending it's always ending always ending, always ending
5.
they said i was fucked in the head and dragged me out of my house later on on the way to your school left my body on the side of the road now you've come back into my life it's like all the dreams i had have come true i fell asleep in my car one night and never woke up, never woke up you said i was fucked in the head i'll never leave my bed again im not made for the life i have i never meant to hurt anyone
6.
i said i don't want anyone to notice me i just wanna stay far away from anyone i don't wanna go anywhere with you i've got so many better things that i wanna do
7.
it's okay to hate them cause they're not human beings it's okay to hate me cause im not a human being he said he'd call me so i gave him twenty dollars he took his hand and put it in my pocket later on i found myself floating above a field of dying flowers just under the ceiling i am paralyzed with fear i built this body from the bones of dead birds
8.
00:59
i'm dropping out of school i've found a new job doing what i love and you can't stop me now mom and dad i'm sorry that you have to find things out this way but i guess you could say it's better now with me being the one to take your souls away i wanna be the grim reaper nothing you say could change my mind
9.
i have dreamt about what it's like to die and i saw myself becoming shadows again just like i did when i was a kid i saw my bones crack open and all the things i've been hiding from you spill out all the secrets that i never thought i'd tell anyone about i am warm and i am bored and i am drifting through this place it's no better or worse than anything else that's ever happened to me but i wish that i'd never met a lot of the people that i've met not because i don't like them but because i only let them down and when you disappoint everyone all the time it's hard not to want to die constantly i feel this weird and shameful feeling like im being watched by a thousand glowing, vengeful eyes behind one way mirrors in public bathrooms and in metro cars and everywhere i go i know i'm not welcome
10.
02:44
fucked up in my head lay down in my bed touching your shirt you know i want you bad watching you take off your pants you make me feel bad about myself i'm wasting my time i can't be helped swallow my cum i will make new friends taking off my clothes sober and aching i'm cold

about

recorded between may and september 2012 at sam's house
sam - guitar, piano, toy piano, keyboards, drum machines, vocals, lyrics, and bass on some songs
eric - drums
torts - bass on some songs
thanks to caroline for recording vocals and viola on 'give me back to the sky'
cover photo by eric livingston

credits

released September 15, 2012

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all rights reserved

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about

teen suicide Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Making Music Now under the name "American Pleasure Club" (though the band itself has not changed - just the name) you can find us at that bandcamp.
Follow us on twitter at @fugazi420 for updates, tour info, release news, & to connect with us.



booking - ghorbal@apa-agency.com
general contact/inquiry - hhhhsamray@gmail.com (ask for Sam)
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