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honeybee table at the butterfly feast

by teen suicide

supported by
ethan
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ethan there's just so much to love <3 Favorite track: violence violence.
jimmyjynx
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jimmyjynx it truly feels like everything sam’s made in the last ten years coalescing into what feels like his most definitive work to date. the chips and chirps of REA, the drudgery and fuzz of TS, the longing cries for relief found in APC… sam has come a long way, and it’s been beautiful to hear unfurl through the years. musicians like these come around once in a life time. don’t blink, or you’ll miss it. Favorite track: how to disappear in america without a trace.
gillis
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gillis this has been one of the worst years of my life, and thank you for helping me get through it sam Favorite track: unwanted houseguest.
camp howdy
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camp howdy Sam Ray is the artist of a lifetime. Favorite track: every time i hear your name called.
Chris Alling
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Chris Alling dreamee - the music, the artwork, everything. thank you for this. Favorite track: get high, breathe underwater (#3).
put in the name for your bandcamp
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put in the name for your bandcamp There is no fantasy in this life. There are no characters on a screen. There are no panes of glass between us. There is no solace in an epilogue to a story. Life marches on and it stomps down hard with its bootheel with every step it takes. It has taken away from me and it will do so again. I don't believe anymore that it'll spare me the time to say my goodbyes before it crushes me flat. I wouldn't have it any other way - I couldn't have it a different way, even if I wanted to. Favorite track: complaining in dreams.
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1.
2.
death wish 02:44
What if you let go? What if you stopped pretending? Take the shades down Just long enough to let the light in When you say you hate what you’ve become Do you realize we know You’ve been this way since the beginning? Is that why you’re scared of me? Because I’ve seen through the act? & I tried to walk away Before this all came to pass? There’s barely a difference There's just a list of victims And no matter what you try to say You’re not one of them, you never will be Is it a deathwish? (You don’t get to walk away from this You’ve had too many chances I hope you never find peace Strip the bed; burn the sheets)
3.
every day passes just the same who know how long it's been this way is it alive? is it alright? look at me, my heart's on fire i could live for a thousand years i could die ten thousand times dance with me on a bed of skulls swirling, swirling, the devil’s in our souls no matter what you do it's all the same no matter what you do it's all the same i don't wanna die i don't really wanna live this way - it’s all the same, - oh(oh) i miss the color of your face in spring the whole world stops when you lift your wings a beautiful thing with an ugly name big black bird flies out of the flames i'm the tiny crab on the ocean floor i'm the one & only 'in love with you man' i'm the creature in the creature feature dance with me baby do it all night long no matter what you do it's all the same no matter what you do it's all the same i don't wanna die but i don't really wanna live this way - it’s all the same, - oh(oh)
4.
I seem closer to it now than I did when I was a kid Cool chill across uncovered legs The way my father’s fists swim through the air & the clean white sheets on the bed When he talked like someone possessed by Something only he could see – he’d say you know It’s not always what you believe but the way That you do or don’t still believe in me Lately I’ve had you on my mind (If I could only know the things I knew in my dreams) If I could only see it long enough to sketch it out (I can’t get a full deep breath in lately) Like some kind of roadmap I have the mind of a housecat these days I feel I can barely crawl my way through until six Taking on new frustrations like tired unsellable homes - Paranoid and ghost-dense, And all the time endlessly dreaming But with a face like that and a voice so alive You could make the trains all run on time Or waive thousands in library fines Lately I’ve had you on my mind (If I could only know the things I knew in my dreams) If I could only see it long enough to sketch it out (I can’t get a full deep breath in lately) Like some kind of roadmap This is not a house, it’s just someplace where I’m living now This is not a house, it’s just someplace; I’m barely living now
5.
groceries 03:30
on a good day i do the laundry i forget my phone for hours but no one calls me on a good day i buy the coffee the price went up but they don't even charge me on a good day we still love each other a cool spring day in the summer on a good day i don't feel a thing i shut my eyes & know that i am nothing  
6.
no matter what they say or do i will always be in love with you when i'm with you the world fades away i don't know what to say i only hope i can make you feel the same way, it's so unreal first shapes & colors come but pretty soon there's only sound i'm washing apples in the kitchen now while trains pass by & shake the house i've seen this all in a dream before at least two or three times, maybe more  
7.
dream about it for a year or two sooner or later it'll happen to you i pretend like i don't mind but i think about it all the time a million dots on a blinking screen draw a line there in between different ones every single time an easy way to lose your mind the taste of blood & the smell of rain hang around for a couple of days i always knew i'd live to see the world start to end but i thought i'd feel something when it did  
8.
are you the prayer whispered in the shade of the olive tree? do you dream only in the black shades of death? voices heard in a hospital product placement and ecstatic angelic vision look at it - it's beautiful what's it made of? look at it - it's beautiful but what's it made of? ad copy in an otherwise forgotten dream - 'when was the last time you collapsed with sacrificial purpose before the salivating angel confessor ovulating sickly through your memories?' a frail voice which once every few lifetimes, as if in mourning, leans softly in the direction of home i see nothing but crimson turning blue with you your beautiful hands move like two meteors combing through sand on a public beach your beautiful hands move like two snakes through the tall grass if i close my eyes i can hear the small voice caught in the throat of the wind if i close my eyes i can return again & again like fruit rotting fifteen years in the past look at it - it's beautiful but we don't know what it's made of
9.
hawk perched on a fence coyote lying dead looks just like the family dog she looks just like the family dog apple tree in the backyard the sweetest thing i saw by far apples falling around your head the ground turns green to red
10.
every time that i hear your name called i turn to look even though i know you're gone just like a dream you can't fall back into a premonition that won't come true lonely, all alone i sit i've made a mess of all of it oh well, i don't mind i've got the time more and more now i think i'm fading some days you can see me through the walls i feel you near me in the strangest places the hospital and the clinic halls lonely, all alone i sit i've made a mess of all of it oh well, i don't mind i've got the time
11.
living off time i stole is starting to take it's toll it's gonna run out soon enough i feel fire lapping at my bones my lungs collapse, my heart explodes on a good day it feels just like love you can't blame me oh/oh what was i supposed to do? you already knew it was true i wanna cry, i wanna laugh i try to scream but i find i can't cus no sound, no sound comes out and just when I think i'm really done when my body's fucked & the money's gone the phone rings and brings me back around you can't blame me oh/oh what was i supposed to do? you already knew it was true
12.
it starts with your body in motion through the still cool water of a hotel pool you were the most beautiful thing that i'd ever seen in a lifetime of suburban hauntings and strip mall therapy there are two things that could still come between the smell of vinegar & burning leaves like one of those kitschy finger-traps i know it's killing me & i keep coming back through collapsing midwest towns concerned with factory farming, prison labor, ten thousand dying birds and now that i've finally got the punchline right suddenly the joke's not funny from the stage at night the quiet war i've lost so many times nightmares of sleeping pills & clonidine my lawyer calls when i am driving home collection notices from the hospital i fell in love with you the first time in spring so it's only right we're leaving now the leaves have changed & when i hear someone near me calling out your name i turn around like nothing's changed
13.
14.
im reaching the end of my days, that much is clear i know this might not kill me, but it's taking everything in me not to disappear maybe the abuse i put my body through is finally catching up or maybe i just can't exist so good when they've destroyed every part of the world i've ever loved they killed all the fish in the ocean they'll kill all the fish on the land and when they run out of space in the dirt they'll bury bodies in the sand when the beachfront houses wash away when mother earth comes to cash her check we won't need no more so called terrorist cells to blow us the fuck away to whatever world supposedly comes next complaining in dreams staring at the sea complaining in dreams staring at the sea everything is everything is everything is nothing and when they finally kill me i hope at least they make it funny put banana peels on my doorstep so i can slip and fall to my doom or waterboard me with one of those big novelty shirts air-brushed to look like boobs are you really even dead & gone if they still talk shit about you on a music blog? i don't know when things went so wrong but i'd have to guess sometime after i was born maybe when i was three years old, maybe when i was nine maybe when i first was abused, maybe when i first got high it doesn't really matter, all the water goes down the drain then evaporates into the sky & turns into polluted acid rain you could search the whole world over for something to give it meaning you could trace patterns among the fractals in the leaves you could shut your eyes & live in beautiful, dumb hope despite it all, you could still fall in love with nearly everything complaining in dreams staring at the sea complaining in dreams staring at the sea
15.
sometimes - and you don't know why - you wanna give it another try feel the warmth of the summer sun one pull and you come undone you get lonely again they say it's ok if you've got nothing to lose just an endless black road and a sky so blue look to the west and see the planes touch down do you ever wanna go somewhere you'd never be found? i know you wanna go out with him but i know a secret about him that sweet boy you think you know so well was with me last night in a cheap motel with a needle in his arm even though it's neither here nor there you wanna feel the wind running through your hair like a smoker on a three day binge combing crumbs between the couch cushions like the sound of snow on the roof of a car, when did i first fall out of love with art? i don't want to live forever, i don't want to die don't have to say hello if you don't say goodbye
16.

credits

released August 26, 2022

all music & lyrics written by Sam Ray
all songs arranged, recorded, and produced by Sam Ray
with the exception of 'Coyote', which was engineered +
co-produced by Sean Mercer, at Wolfstream Studios &
Mobtown Studios in Baltimore, Maryland
album art by Josephine Ray
additional personnel & help -
'death wish' - drums by Micah Schoell, additional vocals by Kitty Ray
'unwanted houseguest' - additional vocals by Clover Ray
'groceries' - additional vocals by Kitty Ray
'violence violence' - drums by Micah Schoell & Ignat Frege, additional vocals by Iphigenia (Foie) & Carly Loman
'coyote (2015-2021)' - live drums by Sean Mercer, horn leads by Max Kuzmyak, additional guitars & horns by Spencer Radcliffe, additional vocals by Kitty Ray
'you can't blame me' - drums by Dexter Loos
'it was probably nothing' - additional vocals by Sean Mercer, Kitty Ray, Delaney Mills, & Spencer Radcliffe
'complaining in dreams' - additional vocals by Kitty Ray
Special thanks to Leon Rosenman, who we dedicate this record to

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about

teen suicide Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Hello we are teen suicide. at one point we were also called american pleasure club, as well as a bunch of other names, but who really cares anyway

Sam Ray writes all the songs & records almost all of em.
Signed to RUN FOR COVER RECORDS.

NO MGMT. inquiries, booking, etc - Email me @ hhhhsamray@gmail.com
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